LISTENER

What do you know about being a listener? My apology to the deafs, but most of us- we listen everyday. Every moment in our life. Good or bad. In fact at this very moment, I’m listening to my own voice in my head asking me to start writing.

I have been wanting to start a blog since ages ago until finally I had myself signed up with WordPress last month over my Christmas break. But it wasn’t until today that I (finally) received the call to start writing! So I’m currently indulging myself with the 6-hour long of the Best Beethoven on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ptfyhBjXj8 while writing. I found it calming and energizing at the same time. I started liking classical music when I kinda struggled with my studies last year and I was in a deep state of depression. I used to be the ballad, R&B type of music kind of person, and these kinds of songs over flooded my iPod until I couldn’t stand it no more. When I work with numbers, they were my loyal companion. However as I got myself into personal trouble, these kinds of music made me even more emotional and I don’t intend to go into the details in this post. Maybe next time. So yeah. That explains the shift into the more soothing, and fresher breath of classical music and I’m very much into it now.

Back to the subject. Listener. Are you a good listener? For the longest time in life I thought I wasn’t. In fact I’m not so sure until now, but my dear friends have been telling me that I am one, and on top of that I (usually) give excellent words of advise and comfort. I hope this isn’t an exaggeration of your tell-tale, loves! I would consider myself a friendly person. Those who are nice, will be treated nice. As simple as that.

Being a good friend does not always mean that you ought to be a good listener. You gotta understand the fact that some people are just not good at listening. It is not that they don’t wanna listen- it’s just not their forte and they simply are not gifted with the sort to say ideal way of responding. That’s just my opinion though.

Almost all of my friends who came to me, opening up their personal problems– are either those with relationship-based or self-insecurity matters, and in some cases the combination of both. Now tell me who does not value and cherish their friends? I see this as my own self–learning process in a way. They came to me with these somehow troublesome thoughts about what’s going on in their life. Distance doesn’t matter anymore in today’s world. Communication is made possible through one magic, fast, effective both ways connection: internet! So thanks to the men responsible for all the advancement we all have the access to today. For all the catch up sessions were mainly done via the internet.

Being a listener isn’t always easy. Sometimes you are entangled or should I say.. Trapped within the words you are gonna say as a mean of comforting him or her versus your own real practice in your personal life.

To put it in a simpler way, picture a smoker coming to see a doctor for consultation, claiming that he’d been having trouble breathing lately. The doctor later diagnosed him with an early stage lung cancer and that he should stop smoking right away. The next day, the very same smoker came into a coffee shop and there he saw his doctor- smoking! What’s your response regarding the situation? Well, one might argue and say.. If you are a sane person, you will be able to think what’s best for yourself. You won’t just jump off a tall building if somebody ask you to.

The point I am trying to make is that a good listener will not try to make his or her judgment rather cloudy by interfering his or her own personal (bad) experience into dealing with someone else’s problem, which might be very different from what the listener’s had encountered in the past. In the case of the illustration I have given above, the doctor indeed is a good doctor. Why not? He gave a professional solution by asking his patient to stop smoking because it will worsen the patient’s health condition- might lead to death even. To determine or to reason his action of smoking in the public, I will leave this to you guys. Be the judge!

To the listeners out there, keep this one thing in mind. The nature of your friend’s problem is very much subjective. As I have repeatedly said, judgment should be made with a clear mind and shouldn’t be contaminated with your own (the listener) or someone else’s problem. You may find the similarity(ies), but dealing with a unique person with unique circumstances is another story. It’s like our DNAs. Like our fingerprints. The possibility of having another REAL you in this Earth is 1 in 7 billion(roughly)– which is you yourself.

Being a listener is not just about listening and answering/responding. The empathy, the real feeling is what counts the most. Some might say.. “Oh I’m not good at listening to others’ problems. I’m very much problematic myself” Tell me who doesn’t have a problem in this world. I can bet my life that everybody has at the very least one. Only robot is perfect and not having to worry about anything in life.

Those who claim themselves of not having been gifted with good ears to listen to others, there are many other ways for which you could show some concerns to your friends. You will never know when one day one of your friends will come to you and start to open up his or her problems.. The simplest yet the most comforting act you can give is a hug. A hug in the times of trouble is proven to have worked in so many miraculous ways unimaginable. It could reduce the stress level of someone bearing the trouble. You don’t even have to say a word. A mere act of concern and it’s equivalent to saying “I feel you, my friend.” In some places of the world, hugging may not seem like an option for some people. It may be due to gender difference between the listener and the friend, or it might be the awkwardness (not the common culture). Well, another option for you would be like saying “I will keep you in my prayer, my dear friend.” This simple one line sentence is full of power, especially to the burdened souls.

Although these acts and words will not take away your friends’ problems right away, they will at least be comforted by you. These are the things you can do as the trade for not being able to say some other things to them.. You never know how lifted someone can be just by knowing someone else is thinking about them. Know their problems. And most importantly show some concerns. Human’s heart, human’s mind, their emotions are just somehow incomprehensible but it is easily touched and you will be amazed how simple acts or gestures can help them to take off some of the loads away.

I hope you guys will agree with me when I say.. Our existence is for a purpose. Life is all about balance. You learn about the law of conservation of energy and bla bla bla.. For every energy coming in, there must be energy out/transferred.. Same goes in life. We gotta be both giver and taker. And let me call this the Law of Balance in Life. I’m going to use myself as an example. I think I’m a pretty good listener. I sometimes wonder where did I get all the words of advice I’ve given to people (my friends), and I realized that I used to read a lot. Not anymore though. Believe it or not, I liked watching the Oprah show. To me personally, she’s very inspiring. The people she brought to her show, their stories, etc.. Plus I love watching people/social related documentaries. So I’m convinced that these things gave me inputs for me to share to others. Can you form a correlation  between this example and the law I just devised? I take (obtain) from various sources, and I later give (share) the inputs back to others. Notice the italicized liked word above, don’t get it all wrong. Yes, it was in the past but it doesn’t mean that I dont enjoy Oprah anymore. I still do but being a student, it’s all about the time constraints. Well, you grow older and busier and the list goes on…

That’s all I’ve got to say about being a listener. How to listen. Sometimes going for lunch with your friends in an open normal atmosphere is also healthy to go over their problem.

I guess this post should be decent enough for my very first post ever. My blog is not meant to be fancy like others. Well I have numerous reasons for that, one being the obvious fancystuff-illiterate if you may call it like that. But I will be willing to learn some of the skills in the near future. Just to avoid total boringness of this blog. My ultimate goal is actually to share to people about things that are relatable with our life. That’s the whole point, right? We gotta be relatable to live peacefully and in one mind. And for sure inserting some personal experiences will help the boring facts and explanations. Plus I might be posting some pretty normal stuffs like traveling experiences and interests.

Let me know your thoughts and personal insights! xx